“‘At least he doesn’t…’
As a special needs parent, I hear this all the time.
When you ‘at least’ me as a complex parent,
I feel minimized.
I feel shut up.
I feel shut down.
I feel unheard.
I feel compared.
I feel invalidated.
I don’t let very many people into our lives, at least not in person. Mostly because I’m spent.
I’ve been spent for a darn long time. And one of the reasons I’m spent is because of things like ‘at least.’
I know people mean well, I give them the benefit of the doubt.
And I also realize the person in front of me is not responsible for all of the ‘at leasts’ that have gone before them.
But each one takes a little slice out of me, and those slices don’t exactly fill right back in.
Courtesy of Alethea Jo
I started feeling pretty hollow after awhile.
I know things could be worse. Oh boy, do I know.
I know some other people’s battles are big and hard, and believe me, I feel for them.
And yet.
None of us is participating for a trophy.
None of us looks at other familes’ situations and line us up in descending order of easiest to hardest in order to keep track.
No two families have the same dynamics, or the same ability to cope.
If someone is trying to push a car up a hill do you say, ‘At least it’s not a minivan’?
If someone is running 50 miles, do you say, ‘At least you don’t have to bike 100’?
If someone is clinging to a rope by their fingertips, do you say, ‘At least you aren’t clinging to a chain’?
If a person gives you a glimpse of their challenges, whether it’s parenting or otherwise, honor their experience.
Validate them. Meet them where they are.
If you can’t think of anything else to say, ‘Can I get you coffee or tea?’ always works.”
From podcasts to video shows, parenting resources to happy tears – join the Love What Matters community and subscribe on YouTube.
Courtesy of Alethea Jo
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Alethea Jo. You can follow her journey on Facebook and her blog. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
Read more stories like this:
‘Maryanne, will you marry me?’ I stood there, in awe of their love. Hate is just not in their DNA.’: Married couple now ‘longest living’ pair with Down Syndrome, ‘it’s nothing short of a fairy tale’
‘To the dad at the bounce park, thank you for teaching your child to interact with someone ‘different.’: Mom to son with Down syndrome shares stranger’s act of kindness, inclusion that made her ‘heart swell’
Do you know someone who could benefit from reading this? SHARE this story on Facebook with family and friends.
1,063 Shares Tweet Email acceptance, be kind, Compassion, diversity, Down syndrome, extra chromosome, Kindness, love, Love What Matters, special needs, special needs mom, special needs parent, trisonomy, understanding ‘I’m just tired.’ I didn’t press her about what was wrong. I let go a little. All their lives, we do this game of letting-go and holding-on.’: Mom of teen shares candid reality of having to ‘let go’ ‘It’s okay, baby, you can go.’ With tear-filled eyes, we held our little boy’s body as his soul went peacefully to Heaven to join his big brother.’: Parents lose newborn to Alveolar Capillary Dysplasia
Source: lovewhatmatters.com
