The Man City midfielder shared on The Player’s Tribune about the opportunities in life that helped him become the world’s top superstar today.
As an honest person as to count, today I will tell you a little secret. Before coming to Man City, I had no idea what kind of person Raheem Sterling was. Never seen it before, but from what I’ve read in the press, this guy seems to be a bit difficult to play.
Yeah, not exactly a bad person. But the tabloids always insist that he is extremely arrogant. In market language, Raheem is an asshole, isn’t he?
Raheem and I have a strong connection, because we joined City almost at the same time. And the press writes a lot of negative things about us. They call me “Chelsea waste”. They say Raheem is the guy who betrayed Liverpool for money. They say we are special players.
When I read things like that about me, I think to myself: Uh, did they write about me? I’m not being difficult, but how can people write such nonsense, even though they’ve never even met me? But really when we read news in the newspaper, we will be influenced by it to judge our judgment.
At Man City, De Bruyne seemed to find his best friend Sterling.
Then I also met Raheem in real life. We talked a bit after practice. And I thought: Oh, isn’t this papa cute? Why is the press so weird?
Actually, I don’t have many close friends, both inside and outside of the profession. I don’t easily open my heart to talk to other people. But as time went on, I became closer to Raheem, because our sons were the same age, so they enjoyed playing together. I gradually got to know Raheem better and realized that he is a very intelligent and genuine person. That is the complete opposite of what the tabloid press still portrays.
This is 100% true: Raheem is one of the cutest and most humble people I have ever met in my career.
Once talking, Raheem said: “When I didn’t meet you, I thought you must be aloof and shy, but unexpectedly, it was also funny.”
“You’re good, honey”
“Oh, that’s true.”
Then he asked me: “So what did you think of me at first?”
“How’s that? I think you’re so cocky”.
“Oh my God”.
That was a great lesson I learned. Players are very different from what you think, especially when you get close to them.
I also get why Raheem thinks I’m aloof. Since I was 16, there’s been a cloud hovering over my head. This is not an easy story to share, especially since I rarely talk about myself. I can talk about football for hours, but I’m too shy to talk about my personal life.
That is my nature, and I believe many people have this trait as well.
Since I was a child, I have been very quiet, always shy. I don’t play PlayStation, nor do I have many friends. The only way for me to express myself is through football. I’m very active on the pitch, but off the pitch I’m a really introverted person. I can sit next to you without saying a word. But on the pitch, I turned into a different person. I know people laugh a lot when they see a clip in which I scream to David Silva, “Let me speak”. That’s kind of boring compared to me when I was a kid.
When we were young, we weren’t subtle enough to notice what other people thought. And I paid the price for that lesson.
When I was 14, I made a decision that changed my life. I faced the opportunity to enter the Genk club’s academy, and so I decided to move from Gent there. Even though the new club is a two-hour drive from my house, I still want to go there.
The problem is that when I was in my hometown, I was already a shy kid. In Genk, I was a new ghost, speaking with a country accent, so I felt even more lonely and lost. I don’t know what social interaction is. The only day I had a day off from practice was Sunday, that day I was able to visit home. So the first two years at Genk’s academy were truly the loneliest two years I’ve ever lived.
Maybe a lot of people thought I was crazy, leaving home to live alone at the age of 14?
The answer is because I love football too much, and I want to become a good player. Sacrifice as much as I can bear. As soon as my feet touch the ball, all that I have to endure off the pitch disappears. It was really an obsession for me.
Or more simply, it’s my life.
My first year in Genk, I had to stay in a rented house. The room is small, with only a bed, a desk and a washbasin. The next year, I was put in a dormitory with a family, along with two other players. At this point, I can live a life more like an ordinary person. Even so, I still feel fine being alone. A year has passed, I study well and play football well. No problem at all.
At the end of my sophomore year, I packed up my things and said goodbye to the family that let me stay.
They said: “See you after summer vacation. Have a good rest”.
I returned home to visit my parents, and as soon as I walked through the door, I saw my mother crying. I was startled: Did anyone die?
I asked, “What’s the matter, Mom?”
And my mother said a sentence that I will remember for the rest of my life.
“They don’t want me back there anymore.”
“What’s wrong mom, they just wished me a happy summer break.”
“Because I’m… myself. Because I’m so quiet. They can’t communicate with me at all. They say I’m unapproachable.”
Unapproachable and quiet are the reasons why De Bruyne was rejected by a family that adopted him.
I was really shocked. I think everyone has a personality. My family never told me about it. I like to be alone in my room, I don’t like to disturb anyone. They greeted me like everything was normal, then they told the club not to let me back in their house.
It was a real shock in my life. I’m not a big star or a promising talent, so the club immediately thought I had a problem. They said they won’t pay the rent for me to share again. If you want to continue training at the academy, then go back to your boarding life, in the same tiny room as before.
I still remember the scene where my mother cried, I didn’t know what to do at that time, other than hug the ball to my body. I stepped outside the fence I used to play with when I was a kid. My mother’s words stuck in my head: “Because you are… you”
Those words kept repeating in my head.
I kicked the ball against the fence for hours on end. Then all of a sudden I stopped and shouted, “If you don’t let me stay, I’ll be in the first team in two months. There’s never been a time when we failed to get home. Never.”
I want the summer to end soon so I can go back to Genk. At that time, I had just been transferred to play for the second team. Of course I’m nobody. But I trained like a madman, like there was fire inside of me.
I remember the exact moment everything changed. It was a Friday night, I got on the pitch in the second half, and played like a madman.
One table.
They don’t want children anymore.
Two tables.
I’m too quiet.
Three tables.
I’m too hard to get close to.
Four tables.
They don’t want children anymore.
Five tables.
Because I am myself.
I scored five goals in the second half.
De Bruyne spectacularly advanced in the Genk shirt before catching the eye of Chelsea.
After that game, everyone in the club changed their view of me. I was called up to the first team exactly two months later. I even finished my goal a few days early. At this point, of course, the club called my family back to inform them that they would continue to pay for my shared accommodation with another family.
It’s funny to see how people in the world change their attitudes when you perform well.
Then one day, the couple who let me share the day before showed up at the club. The woman came to tell me: in fact everything was just a misunderstanding. I remember her saying, “You two want me back. Otherwise, you can come and spend the weekend with us.”
Funny yet? But for me at that time it was not funny at all. They hurt me, so I said, “No, you guys threw me in the trash, now that I’m playing well, you want to take it out?”.
In the end, I refused. But I thank them secretly for giving me a source of energy. But unfortunately, the other cloud continued to follow me. As a young Genk player, even after signing for Chelsea, I still read articles about my unapproachable personality. And every time they bring the story of the other couple to tell.
It’s true that I get angry sometimes, especially on the pitch. I tend to hold back my emotions until things get out of hand. But just five seconds after going crazy, I calmed down immediately. I think people have misunderstood: everything I ever did on the pitch was because I wanted to play too much, and I wanted to win.
During my time at Chelsea, the press also wrote a lot about my relationship with Jose Mourinho. But the truth is I only spoke to him twice. In his mind he had the intention of taking me out on loan. So in 2012 I went to Werder Bremen. It was a great season. When I returned to Chelsea, many German clubs wanted my autograph. Jurgen Klopp would love to bring me to Dortmund. Dortmund also plays the kind of football that I like. I thought Chelsea would sell me already.
But then Mourinho texted: “You have to stay, I want you to be part of the team.”
So I thought: OK, stay, stay.
De Bruyne only spoke with Mourinho twice at Chelsea, before being sold by the manager from the club.
When I went to training with the team, the atmosphere was very optimistic. I played two of the first four games of the season and thought everything would be fine. But after the fourth game, I was locked up on the bench and didn’t have a chance to perform anymore. And I didn’t get an explanation either.
Of course, I also make mistakes. I was a bit naive to know how to behave like an English foreign player. I let myself down easily and in the Cup game against Swindon Town I wasn’t in good shape. Then everything got worse. In December, Mourinho called me into his office and said: “One assist. 0 goals. 10 times won the ball back”.
It took me a minute to understand what he was up to.
Then he read the stats of the other attacking midfielders: Willian, Oscar, Mata, Schurrle.
What 5 goals, 10 assists, that sort of thing.
Then Mourinho waited for me to say something, so I said: ‘But what are these guys playing in 15, 20 games, I’ve only played three, should things be different?
Then the story turned to the subject of lent me again. At that time, Mata was also not used, so Mourinho said: “You know, even if Mata leaves, you will only move from sixth to fifth.”
I told him directly: “The club no longer wants me, and I want to play football. I think you should sell me.”
I think Mourinho was a little disappointed to hear that, but I also think he saw my desire to play. In the end, the club sold me. It was a bargain, because it was twice the price when they bought me from Belgium. I’m also glad I’m being used in Wolfsburg.
Everything changed from there. Not only because I got to play football, but also because I met my future wife. She changed me completely. I have learned to express myself through words better. This is a secret I’ve been hesitant to tell.
It all started with a tweet. At that time I only had a few thousand followers, because I was still playing for Bremen on loan. So I wrote a tweet about the game or something. Suddenly a girl came in to drop her heart. At that time, I was still single. A friend of mine saw it and said: “She’s so pretty, you should inbox her”.
I immediately denied: “Stop it. People don’t like me. Even inbox, she won’t reply”.
Meeting and falling in love with his wife Michele Lacroix marked an important change in De Bruyne’s personality.
He snatched my phone and wrote a message for me, then showed it to me: “There, write that, send it right away”.
For some reason, I told it to send.
That you see? I aspire to be a great footballer, but I don’t have the guts to text a girl I like.
But thanks to my goddamn friend, she replied. And we texted each other for several months. Having acquaintances to talk to back and forth in a foreign country is also fun. And the closer she got, the more she changed me. Looking back now, I have to admit I don’t know what my life would have been like without her.
People often call players’ wives and girlfriends “WAGs”, I think that’s an insult. Because my wife is the most important person in my life. She sacrificed everything to move in with me at the age of 19, helping me follow my dreams. My journey to becoming a top player is actually a journey of both. She encouraged me to come out of my shell and express myself more.
We found out she was pregnant with her first child in the summer of 2015. Man City, PSG and Bayern all wanted me. It was a horribly stressful time. We’ve just started a family and don’t know where this move is going.
Personally, I want to go to Man City. Kompany texted me, told me about City’s ambitious project and told me I would like it. I also have good feelings about this club. But I don’t want to upset Wolfsburg, because I’ve had a great time here. So I took a toothpick and waited. Silence is his job.
Every day goes by. After three weeks, my agent kept giving false alarms.
That stress affected my wife. One morning we woke up and she fell ill. The two of them didn’t know what to do, and they were worried that the baby was okay. Then she was in severe pain, and she was bleeding again. The two of them rushed to the hospital, fearing that they would lose their child. That was the worst moment of my life. We just sat there, completely helpless. Just a minute ago, I was thinking about the transfer. But now the world is turned upside down.
Thank God our son is fine in the end.
I don’t know what I would do without it. Football is very meaningful to my life, but how can it be compared to my wife and children.
It was the third life-changing moment of my life, because it made me realize football is not a matter of life and death. For 23 years of my life, I used to think so. But when I met my wife and then my children, I thought completely differently. Then we also moved to Manchester. And everything took off.
Especially when Pep Guardiola appeared in his second season.
Pep and I have the same way of thinking about football. He is even more obsessed with football than I am. It feels like he’s stressed all the time. Players stress one, he stress twice. Not only did he want to win the battle, he also sought perfection.
With Guardiola, De Bruyne found a like-minded coach and put absolute faith in him – something the midfielder did not have during his time at Chelsea.
The first time I met Pep, he told me to sit down and said, “Kevin, listen. You’ll be in the Top 5 of the best in the world easily.”
I was shocked to hear that. But Pep spoke in a very confident way, and that touched me very much. And I was suddenly motivated to prove he was right.
Most of the time, football is negative and fearful. But for Pep, it’s a pinnacle of positivity. He set goals that seemed improbable tactically. But Pep is a master of tactics. Outsiders won’t know how much pressure he puts on himself.
This season has not been easy for me. The injuries and the games I missed made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Watching teammates play is a torture.
My wife asked me if I needed to see a doctor? After almost seven years together, that was the first time she saw me cry. Even at funerals, I don’t cry. But earlier this season, I injured my knee in the match against Fuham, the doctor told me to use crutches. It’s a nightmare, I can’t even wear my underwear on my own. The timing of the trauma was also terrible, as my wife had just given birth to our second son exactly the day before.
She had just come back from the hospital when she heard me deliver the bad news via Facetime. Then I asked, “How are you?”
“It’s okay. Are you crying?”
“I’m lame. Now you have to take care of three children at once.”
After saying that, I burst into tears like a baby, there was no way to stop. I don’t know if it’s the emotion of having a second child, or the pain of having to miss many games ahead, or both. All I know is that on Facetime, in front of that damn phone, I cried so hard.
My wife couldn’t believe her eyes, like: “I didn’t cry at my wedding, when I was born, I didn’t cry, but when I was injured, I cried”.
I’m a rock, I don’t show my feelings. But taking football out of my life, I can’t stand it.
In the end, the Man City campaign is not just about winning. It is also a way of playing, a way of thinking, a philosophy. That’s why we wake up every morning, with only the details of our work in mind, we try to push ourselves to the limit.
Playing football is simply the hardest thing in the world. But when the ball rolls continuously without being cut by the opponent, that is the happiest feeling.
When we play our best football at Man City, there is only one word to describe it: Meditation!
To me, that is the state of meditation.
I know I’m a slightly different type of person who just likes to show off on the pitch.
That’s my story.
Thanks for letting me speak.
Thanks for listening to me.
