That’s hot…bathwater, that is.
In the first episode of her new podcast I Am Paris, Paris Hilton is, in fact, Paris. Her guest was “someone I know very well”: her husband, Carter Reum. Hilton has been in the public eye for roughly forever (say hello to 19-year-old Paris’ deb ball look in 2000), and has already written a revealing memoir, but this episode in particular really feels like a Rosetta Stone to really getting the heiress.
Over the course of the 39-minute episode, the couple repeatedly talk about photographs the audience can’t see, talk about hand-selected items they brought to the taping (Carter: Matching Christmas onesies for the family memories; Paris: a diamond, because she likes diamonds), and reveal the secret to their happiness. Mainly: Baths.
“We never leave the house, we basically cuddle, kiss, and play with Baby P,” Reum says, referring to their son, Phoenix, whom they welcomed via surrogate in January.
“And bubble baths every night,” Hilton interjects.
“We’re very habitual bubble bath users,” Reum agrees.
There you have it: to find bliss, just add water. It’s not clear whether they’re in the bubble baths together, or if they’re keeping the spark alive by engaging in the modern pastime of taking a beat to yourself to get wrinkly and listen to true crime podcasts. We’re also left in the dark about the highly divisive issue of whether bubble baths actually count as bathing. Like, yes, you’re physically in a bath, but are you actually clean once you finish? Arguably, no. If you’re scrubbing, what are you going to do, marinate in your own filth? If you’re not, you still have those bubbles all over you. You still have to shower after, right? A bubble bath isn’t going to wash your hair or your skin, though it might, as mentioned, cleanse your soul. Hot water can also sap hydration from the skin, so we hope Paris and Carter are practicing safe and thorough moisturization post-bath, lest their marital happiness come at the expense of their moisture barriers.
Other things that make the “very basic in that sense” Hilton happy, Reum reveals, include “just diamonds and Chanel, or puppies,” as well as, obviously, meal planning.
“We dance while we’re doing taco Tuesdays, kiss in the bath, we help each other on work stuff,” he says. “We support each other.”
Hilton maintains her trademark monotone no matter what the subject on the episode, which makes for a really remarkable listening experience. The emphasis is exactly the same when she declares her love for Reum as when she is talking to her husband about his college experience at Columbia. “I went to Harvard,” she says, then adds after a pause, “when I got this woman of the year award.”
It also turns out that Reum has a credit card with “luckiest man alive” on it, implying that it’s a legal business name that the venture capitalist uses, in addition to a very HomeGoodsian statement. IRS, please enjoy those tax forms from the luckiest man alive.
“Sometimes people have to be reminded of how lucky they are. I wake up every single day, going, I am the literally luckiest man alive because I still don’t know why you chose me,” he says on the episode.
Of course, loving Paris also means loving her arts and crafts (“I had never seen someone with so much posterboard,” he remembers of seeing her stash. “And then I realized it was all for your moodboarding.”) and her couples costumes at Halloween. The first of which was…a merman. A true testament to his commitment.
When they’re not soaking or eating tacos, Paris and Carter also revealed that they stream their wedding videos on Peacock. “I love watching it with you,” Reum says of Paris in Love, the reality show that chronicled their wedding. He fondly recalled her over-the-top wedding lewk, ruminating, “Oscar did a good job.” That’s Oscar de la Renta, your friend and mine, obviously. Love your work.
